Neily Hype

Today I share with you some funny Jamaican jokes that are guaranteed to make you laugh.

Jamaican Man Vs White Man Vs Chinese Man

A white man, a Chinese man, and a Jamaican were asked by the king to swim across a river infested with crocodiles, and the one to make it across will be rewarded greatly.

The white man went first, got chewed up. The Chinese man went thereafter, and was met with the same fate, as soon a the king could’ve said to the Jamaican that he was next, the Jamaican was already on the other side of the river looking very upset. The king asked him what is it he wants for his gift? Still fuming the Jamaican replied, “I want to catch the man who shoved mi off inna the water!”

Ears

A Jamaican man was ironing his shirt when his phone rang. Instead of answering the phone, he took up the iron and burnt off one of his ears.

When the man reached the hospital, the doctor saw both ears burnt off. The man explained what had happened then the doctor asked, “How come both ears burn off then?” The man replied, “The bloodclaat idiot go call mi back!’

Yardman

Yardman was in bed with his wife when her phone went off at 3 am. He answered it and angrily replied “Why the raas you don’t go call the weather office and find out. The wife asks “Who is it calling so damn early in the morning?” Yardman says “Some idiot asking if the coast clear”

Madman Mail Box

One day a lady was walking down the street and saw a ‘mad man’ writing something. Out of curiosity, she asked what he was writing. He answered, “Mi a write a letter.” She then asked, “Who are you writing a letter to?” The mad man got a bit annoyed replied, “Nuh mus’ to mi self?!”

The completely shocked lady asked, “What does the letter say?”. The now frustrated mad man responded, “But you are the bigger idiot yuh know, how mi fi know what the letter says and mi nuh get it yet?”

Weedy Dread

A Jamaican rasta walked into a US Bank and handed a bag full of marijuana to the teller.

Angry bank teller: Sir, what the F is this?
Rasta: What kinda foolish question this yuh asking mi? I & I come to open a joint account!!

Slick Boss

The boss of Captain’s Bakery said to his secretary, “I want to have **x with you today. I’ll make it very quick. I’ll throw $5000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I’ll be finished.” She thought about it then called her husband and told him the story. The husband said, “Do it babe but ask him for $10000. Pick up the money very fast so he won’t even have time to get undressed.” She agrees.

An hour goes by then the husband decides to call his wife.

Husband: How did it go honey?

Wife: He used coins babe, I’m still picking them up and he is still f@*king me!!!!!

The husband fainted on the spot!

JDF Soldier and Funny Nuny

A JDF soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath, he asked, “Please, may I
hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.” The nun agreed.
A minute later two military officers ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier pass by here?” The nun answered, “Yes, I saw him went over there.”
After the officers took off, the soldier crawled from beneath the nun’s skirt.

Soldier: Thank you Sister. I’m hiding because I don’t want to go to war.

Nun: I understand totally.

Soldier: I hope this doesn’t come off as rude, but you have a nice pair of legs!

Nun: If you had looked a little higher, you would’ve seen a great pair of
balls as well…I’m hiding too. I don’t want to go to Iraq
either!

The JDF soldier fainted on the spot.

Whether you’re a beginner or a professional artist who’s having writer’s block, today I’ll teach you a 4 step method you can use to write a complete dancehall song quickly. 

You’ll learn about things like dancehall topics, how to come up with a flow, lyrics writing, etc.

Dancehall Song Topics

The first thing to do when writing a dancehall song is to choose a topic. The topic can be anything, but dancehall songs are usually about street life, partying, or bedroom activities.

Choose a topic that you are knowledgeable about.

Flow With The Beat

Now that you chose a topic, it’s time to find a flow/melody. The most effective way to do this is to mumble along with the beat until you find a flow that excites you, one that you can deliver with confidence.

While finding a flow, you’ll need to think about the song structure as well. Most dancehall songs today use the following:

INTRO/HOOK/VERSE/HOOK/VERSE/HOOK/OUTRO or

INTRO/VERSE/HOOK/VERSE/HOOK/VERSE/HOOK/OUTRO 

To make your song more exciting, you’ll want to change up your flow in different sections. You can use a simple flow to deliver the hook while using a multi-syllable rhyme flow with the verses.

Dancehall Lyrics Writing

Dancehall is not mumble-rap, so no matter how great you think your mumbling sounds, you’ll need to convert it to actual words that the audience can understand. 

To do that, you should find words and phrases that rhyme and flow with whatever you were mumbling. Everything you come up with should also be about the topic of the song.

If you are a beginner, you can use an online rhyme dictionary if you’re having problems coming up with your own lines.

Rough Demo Record

One of the most important steps when writing a dancehall song is to do a rough recording of the lyrics. Doing this will help you with a couple of things. It will help you remember exactly how you intended to deliver the song if you choose to do the final recording at a later date. It will also give you an idea of how the music will sound to the audience.

You can do a rough recording on a regular smartphone.

How To Write A Dancehall Song – Summary

In summary, when writing a dancehall song, you first choose a topic that you are knowledgeable about, find a flow that matches the beat, come up with the lyrics, then record a rough demo of the song.

That’s It